


And Baby makes Three

by TheLadyGrim



Category: Descendants (Disney Movies), Disney - All Media Types
Genre: Baby Mal, Childbirth, F/M, Fluff, Humor, One Shot Collection, Parenthood, Pregnancy, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-21
Updated: 2019-10-07
Packaged: 2020-09-23 08:33:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,989
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20337187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheLadyGrim/pseuds/TheLadyGrim
Summary: No Hades did not want a kid.Maleficent wanted a kid.They were having a kid.Or more precisely they were having a minion. Some assembly required.





	1. Chapter 1

Hades didn’t want a baby

It wasn’t that he had anything _against _babies. True there had been that nasty business with his nephew, but that had never been about the kid. It had been about Hades greedy ass-biscuit of a brother and family quarrels going back countless thousands of years, the fact that the kid grew up to take everything so damn personally was, in Hades opinion further evidence that he was the only Olympian fit to rule. Clearly Zeus had spoiled the little bastard rotten, Hades would _never_ spoil his kid. Not that he wanted a kid. Children, in the opinion of the Lord of the Dead, were like little miniature drunken adults, grubby and slimy and dripping various possibly caustic fluids everywhere. Babies were even worse though, they pooped, and they mewled when they were hungry, and they cried for no bloody reason. No Hades did not want a kid.

Maleficent wanted a kid.

They were having a kid.

Or more precisely they were having a _minion. _Some assembly required.

The marriage of the Lord of the Dead to the Mistress of all Evil had been an extremely political affair. The entire population of the Isle had been invited to attend, under threats of unspeakable pain should they fail to make an appearance. The very best of the Isle’s supplies were commandeered for the wedding feast, which really wasn’t saying much. And even the Royals in Auradon had made a token gesture of acknowledgment toward the day’s “festivities”, sending flowers and “well wishes” that sounded like nothing so much as a plea that the newly wedded couple not use their combined power to shatter the barrier and lay waste to Auradon. Not that Hades and Maleficent didn’t try, again and again and again, failure after failure, but despite their great power they couldn’t bring the barrier down.

All this, led up to why Maleficent insisted they have a kid.

His wife’s theory wasn’t _bad _per se. It was actually, magically speaking, quite sound, though not really moral. Even wed, their individual powers didn’t combine well, an incompatibility that Hades blamed at least partially on their mutually combative personalities; ‘A house divided against itself must fall’ and all that. Theoretically speaking though, a child of their combined blood should have their combined powers, the potent dark magic of an unseelie fae mixed with the inexhaustible might of a god. Power enough to rule the Isle, power enough to bring the barrier crashing down, power enough to smite Auradon and every one of its pathetic little goody, goody princes and princesses to ash.

And that was how Hades found himself pacing the balcony of his wife’s home, flinching at every enraged screech from their bed chamber and dodging Maleficient’s terrified, scurrying goblin henchmen. His own henchmen Pain and Panic had been at his side when she first went into labor, Panic having initially brought him word that the baby was coming…NOW. But he had sent them away quickly, feeling that perhaps their presence was in rather bad taste in this situation. Faery births were always particularly hard, or so he had heard, and he certainly didn’t want to make things worse…

The screaming had stopped.

For a moment everyone froze, the goblin henchmen shaking with fear until suddenly the high, strident wails of a newborn could be heard through the thick bedroom door. Slowly that door creaked open, and a goblin (one of the few female goblins, Hades thought) shuffled out, tenderly bearing a squirmy, screaming, altogether thoroughly displeased bundle of baby. Hesitating a little she offered it to him, and Hades felt his stomach flip, just a little, as he awkwardly cradled the baby for the first time.

She was so…_small. _So incredibly tiny and delicate. With lungs like a bellows that were currently shattering his ear drums, truly Hades wasn’t sure how he hadn’t gone deaf. Yet despite the absolutely atrocious racket she was making, Hades found he didn’t mind the noise. He was too busy focusing on the miniscule curve of her fingernails, the wee button of her nose and the shocking deep purple and blue of her little tuft of hair. And her eyes…_Oh her eyes, _they were the purest green of emeralds and summer leaves and the deep, cool river that flowed off Mount Olympus. And It was looking into his daughter’s eyes for the first time that Hades realized, _he really didn’t mind having a baby. _

“Hello Mali.”


	2. A New Teacher

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Isle of the Lost school is opening and Auradon has sent a new teacher...

Hades, Lord of the Dead, Master of the Underworld and God of Wealth, did not frighten easily.

He was frightened now.

Terrified in fact.

And it all had to do with the miniscule scrap of infant that was his daughter. Maleficent Bertha Faery.

Mal…and all the other children of the Isle.

The royalty of Auradon had, after almost three years of doing their best to pretend the Isle didn’t exist, finally renewed their interest in the little penal colony for villains, an interest that was sparked by two very, very important events.

One: Several of the villains had, in the interests of preserving their legacy, undertaken to open a school for the Isle’s children.

Two: There were _Babies _being born on the Isle of the Lost now. Mal wasn’t the first and she wouldn’t be the last. Though why the Royals of Auradon cared about the fate of the Isle’s newborn residents NOW when they originally hadn’t had a single damn qualm about tossing children onto the Isle with their villainous parents was anyone’s guess.

But care now they apparently did, enough to send an emissary from Auradon to the Isle to be one of the teachers at the new school and, the villain parents feared, to decide whether or not to take the infants away. Hades didn’t want to lose his daughter, though he didn’t particularly want her growing up on the Isle either. But still, he would be DAMNED if he just let them take his kid away without a fight, and many of the other villain parents felt the same way.

And so they gathered, in the gigantic, labyrinthian crypt that had been converted into a school; for the first ever meeting of the Isle of the Lost PTA. Every villain with school age children was present, as well as all the henchmen and women with kids and even a few new parents who, like Hades, feared what the arrival of a new Auradonian teacher/spy would mean for their children. Dr. Facilier had come in his capacity as the new school’s principle, Lady Tremaine and her daughters had swept in, haughty as any goddesses, and even Gaston made an appearance, trailing his three wives and their passel of children. Everyone sat down in the broken, dented metal foldy chairs, scowling blackly at each other, but for once not bickering or trying to gain the upper hand over one another. Scheming and backstabbing could wait for an hour or two, for now they needed to present a united front.

The great rusty doors of the auditorium ponderously creaked open, all eyes riveted suddenly on the tall proud figure in blue robes that swept through them like a tidal wave. Reaching his destination at the front of the room with the other teachers, Yen Sid, premier sorcerer of Auradon gazed coolly back at the hate filled gazes of his audience. Hades felt his panic levels rising, he had known the new teacher would be a magic user of some sort, but he had expected they’d be some fairly low level, the kind of poor shmuck that would fear the wrath of the God of the Dead. Yen Sid…was extremely unlikely to be intimidated by Hades, Maleficent or any of the other villain parents, he was too damn powerful in his own right. Rumor even held that the sorcerer was connected in some way with the Creator…and not even Hades could fight against that kind of mojo. All he could do was… sit. And glare.

“I presume you all know who I am.”

Silence.

“I have been sent here to teach scientific theory and methodology, in the interest that future…citizens of this island learn to live without magic.”

A low hiss went up from the gathered audience, as Hades tried to suppress his own growl of fury. He wouldn’t mind Mal learning _science _If she was also allowed to live and learn the magic that was her birthright. His daughter was the offspring of a dark faery and a GOD, the fact that those Auradonian bastards never intended to let her, or any of the other children of the Isle, learn about their magical heritage killed him.

“I trust that in the future we will all work together _peacefully _to insure that the children of this community receive the best possible education available under the…circumstances.”

Silence. Glares. Yen Sid just looked back impassively, thoroughly unperturbed. One of Gaston’s many rug rats started to mewl, its mother frantically shushing it as the silence stretched on.

“Alright, well I’m sure that we’re all ever so GRATEFUL for Mr. Sid here’s willingness to teach at our fine establishment…now get out, meeting’s over.” Dr. Facilier ushered the parents out as quickly as possible, worried perhaps that the tense atmosphere was going to boil over into violence at any second.

Hades sidled out the doors behind the crowd, reluctant to return to the house and Maleficient’s constant screeching but wanting to get home in time to feed Mal. Suddenly a shadow fell across his path, blocking his way.

“Lord of the Dead, I would have words with you.”

Hades stopped, trying to maintain a neutral expression as he turned to face Dragon Hall’s newest professor.

“Yen Sid…”

“I bring you your family’s greetings…and their congratulations on the birth of your daughter.”

Hades tensed, turning the statement over in his mind for some sign of threat.

“Thanks.” He moved to continue out the doors.

“Artemis has offered to foster the child…in the event that it should be necessary.”

Every thought in Hades mind skittered to a stop, overwhelmed by panic as he turned once again to face the sorcerer.

“Artemis…not, not Hera?” His sister was a complete bitch on the best of days, but she was the goddess of motherhood. He didn’t doubt that she would use it to her advantage to make him bleed if she could. If she got her hands on Mal…

“Perhaps Hera would be a more prudent option, but the Lady Artemis said she felt…a kindred bond with the child.” Bless his niece, if Hera got her hands on Mal Creator only knew what punishment she would dole out in vengeance for what had happened with Hercules. Artemis though, could protect her until she was old enough to protect herself. Doubtless as one of Zeus’s more favored by-blows she sympathized with any child under Hera’s wrath. Mal would be safe…but gone.

“However, at this time I do not believe it is necessary.”

Hades head jerked up, meeting Yen Sid’s eyes for the first time, speechless.

“Not…”

“There may come a time when the young children of this enclave must be removed for their own protection, but….for now they will remain.”

“You…”

“I am not here to snatch children from their parents, I am here to improve their situation…as best as may be.”

Yen Sid, began to walk past Hades out the door his long blue robes trailing behind him. On the threshold he paused.

“Tell the other parents what I have said…. but know that I will be watching this situation very…closely.”

Walking home, pondering what had been said, pondering what HADN’T been said, Hades Lord of the Dead was frightened, terrified in fact.

But for once, for the first time since he had held Mal and realized how easily she could be taken away, Hades had hope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi Guys!  
For anyone wondering I'm still working on Malifluous Malfeasance, it's just taking a bit to get the next chapter right. If you like this story please leave a comment or kudos and check out what else I've written!

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! If you enjoyed this little one-shot please leave a kudos and a comment. Also if you liked this story I'm currently working on a larger fic in the Disney Descendants fandom featuring Hades and Mal so please check that out as well!


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